Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in jaycee1285's LiveJournal:

Sunday, May 2nd, 2004
8:14 pm	The Trinity So today was a good day to start off with. Finally had something to get my mind off the worrying over how jess will take her letter. I thought that I'd be okay, wasn't really planning anything last night, but a good friend came over to chill around 10 before she went to a kegger. Thing is, she didn't leave, and ended up in my bed around 3. I don't know whats going on with that, but it's only making things more complex. The best way I could go, the safest, would just to be grateful I got to hang out and be close to a friend (since we didn't do anything). But I liked her, and she knows it, and that I've mentioned shit about not really thinking about it but it still being there. I don't know, I can't read girls for shit, so we'll see on that one. The other thing of note, since I only talk about girls in these things anyways, would be girls I come home to, mainly Jess and Laura. Neither one of them is that attractive to me right now, Laura because I know she'd probably be willing to cheat on Justin with me (call it a gut feeling), and Jess cuz I'd like a lot more clarity on that before I even think there's something to try out when I come home. I'm aware its about 3 weeks before I come home, but I also know that true interest carries, or else I wouldn't still be. I'm more worried about Laura, though, with a vagina like a venus flytrap (peep the dual metaphor) and still having feelings for me. I can honestly say that most feelings are gone... but chemistry is hard to give up when it rarely changes. So why am I worrying about all this shit when I won't see one of the girls in 3 weeks, 2 of them for three weeks, and have a test tomorrow, differential equations hw and a paper or two? Mainly because I'm a moron, and mainly because these girls have had major influences on my life (as friends and as lovers, not as me focusing too much attention). We shall see (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 8th, 2004
1:26 am	"on another note, john c. and i have been going through rough times lately. i think we both just have a lot going on in our lives on our different sides of the country, and its hard to make someone else feel better when your own life is so effed up. i know this will pass though, all things do... we've been friends for too long to let a little spatting eff up our friendship. i love you jonbon!!!" -Quote from a girl that no longer talks to me I can't really think of anything to say, it's late, and i dont want to have to think, but i'm not that lucky (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 26th, 2004
1:02 am	Downward I'm supposedly an unhappy person... yeah, thats pretty accurate. I read an article in Men's Health today on donor children, that hurt, a lot. I thought I had a handle on that, but it's still an open wound that is not going away. I can't even think of a way that it'll get fixed, but hey, my parents have blessed me with a multitude of things I'll keep for the rest of my life (knees, back, no father, depression) so bravo. Enough being a vagina, it's time to report facts. I'm having a real hard time dealing with my friend in cali. After having never met her after 5 fucking years, I'd like that to change. It really doesnt matter to me what kind of mood she's in, I just want to see who and shake hands or hug or whatever the fuck with the girl that has always read my poetry and made me laugh and smile. Oh well, thats down the toilet because I get hurt after i propose things and get shot down 2 times. But hey that's life, and I'm really starting to get used to it. So yeah, enough of that. I think I need to do something with my life to stop all of this bullshit. Need to start meeting new people and all of that, work on networking and making friends. So I'm going to bed and withdrawing. Night all. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
10:38 pm	I need a second journal?! So yeah, I've decided that I need a second journal, because well, I dont want everyone to read all of my thoughts. If I give you the link, it means I'm either not attacking you or you mean a lot to me (most likely both). I have been so confused lately that it's hard to imagine a time when anything made sense. I'm so lost at college, I'm not sure I'm living a life that I want anymore. I think I'm in a skid, and I think it has a lot to do with my immaturity. I really need to feel what it's like to not be in a relationship, and not need one so bad. Right now all I can think about are all these girls that I have no chance with, but have liked in the past. It's stupid, counterproductive, and how I've been spending the last couple days. The girl that used to make me feel important has done so much to get me out of her life that she's succeeded. I will never have the same problem of loving you after you hurt me, Laura, of that I can assure you. I also have two timezone problems, one a lot bigger than the other. My friend Jess goes to school in Scotland, and because of various issues (yet again stemming from my insecurity), I told her I didnt want to talk to her again. Thankfully, she realized that I do need her friendship, so we are talking again, in spite of the 5 hour difference. I'm starting to sound like a girl, weeeeeeeeeee. My other friend Richelle lives in California, and it's been bothering the hell out of me. I understand that she's going through a hell of a time, but less talking has never helped anything, especially this. I was going to visit her... twice now, over spring break, but now that is doubtfully happening. I dont understand it anymore, but I'm not sure I want to try. I have a habit of losing contact that dont talk when I talk, and more importantly those that don't talk to me, so we'll see. (1 Comment |Comment on this)